As much as becoming nocturnal has really killed my study habits while I was in school this past semester, and as much as I should be in bed right now – because my sleep habits definitely need a fix – I’ve really come to appreciate the night hours at home.
I love my family, don’t ever assume I don’t. To be home is refreshing and being around my mother and sister and brother is a comfort I’ve been missing immensely since Christmas time.. but there’s something peaceful about 1:01 am.
I hear my fridge running. The fishtank is cycling new oxygen into the water with little drips. My dog just stretched on the couch with her little snort and a sigh.
My stomach is tied up in frustration over not being able to find Episode 2 of Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. At least, one that will download within the first 10 minutes of watching it.
Five minutes ago, I sat clenching my retainer between my teeth after the fourteenth link. There was still nothing. How was I going to see the surgery completed? Great.
But then a dear friend of mine logged in to facebook – I was checking in the hopes that by the time I finished browsing pictures, the video will be finished – and suddenly, as if my friend were beside me, chiding my impulsiveness and greed, I am reminded of patience.
Why should I honestly be troubled over something so trivial? We all do it, we can’t deny it. But why? What drives our human nature so much that we must have our lives our own way and within our own hands?
It’s the lie we buy – that we are invincible, that we have the power, the skills, the strength, the immunity to defeat, and the resistance to pain.
Yet it takes the trust in something greater than ourselves. We so easily fail ourselves because of our imperfect, selfish nature. How is it that we so often turn to each other and ourselves for the answers that no one seems to find?
Sitting in the dark, illuminated by the glow of my computer screen, listening to the hum of the fridge and the steady whirring of the aquarium.. here, “be still and know” takes on an entirely different meaning.
We can know of, think we know, or really know God.
And for everything we think we already know, there’s a difference.
It’s a matter of character, a change of desire, a selfless transformation, and a love that seems irrational but in actuality is encompassing of human knowledge.
Being still, really knowing. Trust. Faith.
Really knowing, the depths, the core, the threads of the love and holiness that weaves us together when we really know the God who desires to bring us closer in righteousness.
Sometimes the being becomes all the more real in the knowing.. really knowing Truth.
